Good evening, everyone. I hope y’all had a fabulous week. Is it just me, or did it feel like the longest week ever?! Better enjoy the last few moments of the weekend that we have left…
I am writing this post just as a little booster to anyone who needs it, & I am about to open up big time. Life has been very stressful on my end, & I needed an uplifting desperately. I have been very up-&-down lately, & felt lost at most times. I had not been attending Church because I felt as if God was not listening to me. I prayed for happiness, no matter how it came to me. Here's the news: I had spoken to a doctor a few months, & he diagnosed me with severe depression. I know this may come to a shock to many of you because it does not seem that way on social media. I did not want to show it to anyone because I felt ashamed of myself. I had zero motivation in life anymore, I was the furthest from being happy, & I felt like giving up. No matter what I did, nothing was going right. I had become very good at hiding this, because I did not want anyone to see my pain. (To show how well I was hiding it, none of my family members even knew what I was going through. I am so so sorry, Mom. You seemed so proud of me, and I did not want to disappoint you and let you down.) It was very tough going day-by-day having girls contact me, telling me how much of an inspiration I am, because I did not feel anything like an inspiration. I have made a few mistakes in life, & I could not get over them. I tried to forget them but I couldn’t help but think of how differently things would be had I not made them. I prayed & prayed to be forgiven, but something just didn’t feel like God had forgiven me quite yet.
If you are still reading, thank you.
I read a bible verse today, which inspired me to write this & share how I am feeling: “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others for their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” Matthew 6:14-15. With that said, I am asking for forgiveness, from those who know me personally & from those who do not. I now know that the Lord has forgiven me, & I feel eternally grateful for that. Now, please do not mistake this for pity. That’s the complete opposite of what I want. I want everyone who is reading this to understand that no matter what you have gone through, no matter what you have done, you are a beautiful, beautiful human being & the Lord has righteously forgiven you. Each & every one of you has a purpose in life, & I am begging you not to give up. It has taken me realizing this to know not to give up. I truly believe I have conquered what has taken over me. I know it was just the Devil trying to make me lose the Lord, myself, & then fend for him. I felt so alone for so long, & did not realize that God was with me the whole time, holding me up & preaching His love to me. I know it is so easy to feel abandoned & scared, but you must know that He will never ever leave you.
Thank you for letting me open up. I am saying this from the bottom of my heart- please reach out to me if you ever need anything. I am very busy with school & my internship, but I will make time for you, 110%. I apologize if I upset you in any way by writing this post; that was not my intention at all. I want to make sure each & every one of you knows just how special and loved you are. You may not feel it at times, but I promise you, you are. Xoxo
”The Lord loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of His unfailing love.” Psalm 33:5
“But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
“Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever.” 1 Chronicles 16:34
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path.” Proverbs 3:5-6 (My favorite verse!)